Well that was hot! The sex was amazing. The danger of getting caught but escaping out of the window at the last minute was a rush. And all that awkward conversation you had in public, as you introduced your “work friend” to your spouse was strangely erotic.
And now it’s over…
But wait! Something’s gone terribly wrong. Just when you think your affair is over, now your mistress / “histress” is going all Fatal Attraction on you and is threatening to destroy your marriage, your family, your job and your entire life.
What next? Is she going to show up at your house? Or kill the family dog? Or write graffiti all over your garage?
No sex is worth this kind of stress!
So yes, it is actually really important that you give some thought to ending an affair “drama-free” well before the extramarital relationship starts to finish. Because breakups that are done impulsively and without sensitivity do often end in disaster.
But not to worry…here are a few tips that can help you end an affair without drama, violence or hysteria.
Prepare her for the inevitable well beforehand
This direct attitude may not help you get laid, but what it will do is help you avoid encouraging false expectations in her. Make it clear that this is about sex, or attraction, but that you doubt you will ever leave your spouse.
Your sex partner may not want to hear that, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he/she won’t sleep with you. It just means you avoid the topic and don’t think too much about the future. On the other hand, promising her the world and then disappointing her time and time again is a one way ticket to your personal hell!
Avoid emotional bonding with your mistress
This is the first sign of a truly dangerous turn in the relationship – when the sex partner tries to assume the role of second “wife” (or husband) and wants to bond emotionally, share intimacy, or talk about love. This means your partner is falling for you romantically and that may change their expectations.
In their mind, they now view your spouse as the enemy and will always be plotting to steal you away from your family. You must be alert to signs that the sex partner is falling for you, and escape RIGHT THEN rather than stick around to help amplify that feeling into Love.
Interestingly, it’s not always about the mistress either. Some relationship experts speculate that no person – except sociopaths and sex workers – can completely detach themselves from the emotional element of sex.
Guilt and remorse can plague a person and if you suffer from this, you may actually be the catalyst that brings drama and stress to your own relationship – with the spouse and the mistress.
Be very clear, and don’t be overly nice or hopeful
Many men make the mistake of either being too nice or being too distant. Both are wrong approaches that will result in a confused mistress trying to reach you for clarification.
Don’t be hopeful or overly sensitive if you are conveying to her that it’s definitely over – and there is no chance of starting up again. On the other hand, do not be abrupt and cease all communication, because a mistress can misinterpret this as just “time off” and think maybe things can start again in the future.
You have to be tough, firm and very clear that the relationship cannot continue. Give her (or him) specific reasons why it has to end and do not try to butter them up, flatter them or make them feel happy.
You can be apologetic but you still have to be firm in saying goodbye. Being wishy washy and continuing to text or chat with her is sending mixed messages.
Do your homework beforehand
One reason so many guys get into these dangerous extramarital affairs is because they just blindly have sex with whoever they can get, rather than thinking about the best “type” of mistress who will not destroy their lives when the relationship runs its course.
For instance, they avoid using real names or giving any personal information. This way, they can leave the relationship whenever they choose with no personal attachment.
One mistake that a lot of men make is to become involved with someone emotionally immature or weak, rather than limiting one’s self to mistresses who are self-confident. For example, self-confident working women…they are more likely to get over a breakup than a woman who is a more “dependent” personality.
Sometimes recognizing someone’s weakness or immaturity in advance of the affair is the best way to prevent it from spiraling out of control.
Well, this may be an act of desperation, but sometimes it’s necessary if you are serious about moving on and never looking back.
Leaving town forever can serve more than one purpose. Not only does it remove temptation from you but it can also reduce the risk of being caught.
Granted, you do have to use your imagination and find a good reason to move (like a job transfer or to be near family) but if you are running out of other options on how to keep your family together, it may be a last resort.
Start dating a new mistress
If you are genuinely concerned about not having the self-control needed to dispose of the relationship, then maybe finding a new mistress – one without emotional bonds – may help you lose interest in the other person you no longer want.
Doing so not only distracts you from the unwanted mistress but will also make you a more selfish and unsatisfying lover or possibly make you uninterested in having sex with the old mistress altogether.
It will make you seem emotionally unavailable and nothing worth wanting – perhaps the mistress will start to see these negative aspects of you and be willing to let you go.
It sounds a bit cruel, perhaps, but sometimes being a bit of a bore, or a pig, is the best way to “cure” your mistress of any mistaken notions of love.
Some men may actually go so far as to increase their negative behavior rapidly – assuming characteristics that he knows his sex partner doesn’t like. Whether that’s arrogance, possessiveness, pathetic or subordinate behavior, or some other inglorious trait, the mistress is more likely to end the relationship if she sees the person has drastically changed.
Actively planning to discourage and avoid drama is the best approach. The worst thing you can do is try to downplay drama as it is happening. In this case, that famous cheating scoundrel Benjamin Franklin was right – “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”!