Warning: just because you find someone on the Internet who says they don’t want drama doesn’t mean they’re telling the truth!
Drama queens (and kings) tend to lay low and make you THINK it’s all about sex. But the truth is, they enter these relationships for dysfunctional reasons. They WANT the drama and that’s pretty much all they get from it.
The best thing for you to do, if you want to keep this affair discreet and problem-free, is to learn how to identify jealous affair partners and avoid them like the plague. Look for these “symptoms” of malfunctioning lovers.
They want to “save you”
These lovers are an episode of The Young and the Restless waiting to happen. It’s not enough that you’re together for the moment…they want to believe that they are saving you from your terrible life. They are your savior and you owe them the world.
That’s a dangerous place to be if your objective is to have guilt-free fun. In an ideal affair, both partners respect the emotional bonds of the non-cheating spouse. They want the marriages to work…they don’t want to trade partners. If your sex partner has delusions of rescuing you, avoid them at all costs!
They’re lonely and want to fall in love
First rule of affairs – don’t fall in love. You can’t afford to lose your family. Most single men and women who enter a relationship “open-minded” are a huge risk. What you do want are closed-minded lovers who understand this is a purely sexual relationship with no hope of emotional fulfillment.
Polyamorous lovers, sugar babies and escorts are closed-minded in that they know there are rules that should never be broken…and that these relationships are ultimately doomed. They have no delusions about falling in love and that is what you want to find.
They want to know too much
Avoid lovers who ask too many personal questions or who want to talk about life.
Sorry, but casual affairs are NOT about finding a second spouse. While it’s tempting to play “house” with the other affair partner and confide everything you dislike about your home life, it’s a dangerous game.
If you love your spouse, you emotionally confide in them. You leave sex for your lovers. There are plenty of fun and sexy things to talk about with a lover, in fact so much so, that there should be no extra time to talk about “real life.”
If talking about cheating on your spouse(s) turns you on, then make it vague. Don’t go into detail and don’t ask for more information. Keep things fun and mysterious.
They think about the future
Avoid partners who keep thinking and talking about the future…with you in it.
The future is supposed to be uncertain. Affairs are about the now because there well may never be a tomorrow. Partners who insist on knowing the future of the relationship are trouble.
You, talking about the future to a partner (even if you think they understand that you’re just goofing around) is a big mistake. Do not lead a casual partner on to think there’s a future when there clearly isn’t.
They feel guilty
Avoid partners who admit that they feel guilty.
For one thing, don’t bring up guilt. No one really wants to talk about guilt during an affair. But beyond that, if your partner admits readily that they have second thoughts about what they’re doing, it’s usually a red flag that this is going to end badly.
If you’re lucky, that means they might just stop seeing you without an explanation. But if you’re not so lucky, they might confess to their partner what has happened out of guilt and a need to repent for their mistakes.
They don’t respect boundaries
Avoid partners who cross your boundaries and constantly test you.
Seriously, don’t underestimate the crazy psycho-sexual partner who constantly pushes you past your limits. Sure, it’s sexy at first…but eventually you realize the thrill for them is in manipulating you and toying with you.
Their motivation is to break you, to provoke you, and to bring out your weakness. They are primarily motivated by jealousy; even though they may not want you all to themselves, they DO want your attention constantly.
This can get ugly very fast. The best sexual partners are people who are not emotionally volatile one way or the other, but respect the discretion and boundaries of both partners.
This is somewhat controversial in affair circles but if you really want to err on the safe side and avoid life-destroying jealousy, take our advice and avoid singles and stick to people who are married and have children.
People who are (seemingly) happily married are far less likely to become jealous or try to transform the relationship into a new marriage. They realize that their family life is content…it’s everything they want socially and emotionally.
They just realize that they need a little bit extra kink. This means that they have just as much to risk as you do, and so they will collaborate with you on believable alibis to keep the affair secret.